Thursday, October 16, 2008
As a primary school kid i would walk around the school grounds with only my satchel. Each hour i would report to the nurses office regardless of whether or not i had wet my diaper. The school nurse would gently change it with the products my mother supplied. It was a long way from school to home. By the time i was eight i was catching the school bus and walking for twenty minutes afterward. it took me an hour in total, usually by the time i got home, i was soaked. Mum didn't get home until an hour after me, and David, my brother came home between mum and myself. He would change me the moment he got home. School was a bit of a nightmare when i was young. other students figured out the reason for my padded butt and my departure each hour. they depantsed me many a time in the play ground. They ripped my diapers off sometimes, made me stand there until i wet my pants. They used to pressure me into messing my diaper too. Teachers didn't do a lot for me. It was almost as if they too were afraid of the cool kids. They didn't want to be seen helping a kid that wasn't popular. I had doctors appointments every week when i was little. My first operation was when i was seven years old, it was to pull the mussels and nerves around my bladder tighter, to help me hold my pee in. It was a failure, in every way. My bladder got no better, and i was unwell for weeks after. My wetting even got worse at times, the general anesthetic was terrible. I went through another surgery the same as that last year, it still has had no effect. In between the two surgeries i also underwent kidney surgery, in the hope that the problem could be there. I now have three large scars on my back and stomach, and still the same old problem. I only wet my diapers, there is no reason that i should mess them, except for the times when i just don't make it, or i mess and wet at the same time by accident. In some ways, diapers are useful, I don't have to worry about wetting myself or bed, i am protected against it. I haven't had my period yet but when i get it, i won't have to worry about stained underwear.
I'm in Junior High now. I guess you could say that things are better. I carry around a diaper bag, rather than the school nurse changing me. I wear Dry Nights Pyjama Pants at school, that way i can slip them on and off when i need a change, i can wipe myself with baby wipes, rub some lotion on and pull some diapers on. I tend do this every class, i have a note that excuses my lateness, when i do in between classes. My diaper bag is what most my classmates know as my sports bag. It zips closed with two zips and i have padlocked them together. Dry Nights have such a discreet design that even when i am wearing skin tight jeans, nobody gets the slightest view of my diapered butt, except for what is visible from above my trousers waist line. Or for when my diaper leeks.
A leaky diaper is my worst nightmare, every body can tell you're wearing a diaper by this time, as the bulk pushes your pants out, and the wet line, is the shape of a diaper. You might ask how this happens, how come I don't change it after one wetting? There are times when i am caught without enough diapers to last me through the day. when after five or six wettings, and no diapers left in my diaper bag i have to go again, letting the pee soak through the pulpy diaper and wet my pants.
Now i walk home from school, a half hour walk. It may take a little while but it is better than sitting, wet, on a bus full of teenagers. In summer, i will swing my diaper bag from my arm, sweating in the mid September heat, shorts giving away most my diapers, and me not caring. In summer, i wet my diaper twice as much, i drink more water, i wet more diapers. In summer at school everybody can tell i am diapered, they are too self centered to care though. Even when i have messed my diaper by mistake, and it reeks, they just walk past, iPods in their ears, sunglasses on their heads. In summer, at home during the break. I find it is too hot to wear any thing besides my diaper and a bikini top. I wear water diapers, i take private swimming lessons and the coach doesn't comment. In summer there are endless days of me lying out by the paddling pool, nosy neighbors staring at me, in my soaking diapers, i am usually too hot to bother with changing them, they will have leaked onto my towel by mid morning, by mid afternoon if mum isn't around to change me, they will have formed a large puddle on the patio, i will have messed them too, poop pressed up against my waist and crotch.
Winter is different, i am bundled up warm as i wade through snow on the walk home. My diapers giving me extra warmth and making my already padded butt look bigger. my gloved fingers clasp my diaper bag close to me. The cold will sometimes take me by surprise, i wet myself, or even mes myself suddenly, i have to duck into a nearby public toilet, peel off my layers of clothes and change again. I sit inside all winter, next to the fire, my diaper often dry, when i am inside. Mum will hold me, despite my continuous growing, though i am still small. When i get a winter virus, i lay in bed all day, mum takes the day off too. She changes me every so often, knowing that when i am sick, my diaper will be a source of bacteria, my diaper rash will worsen and i will cry.
Some days, mum will ring me on my phone, coming home from school, informing me that we have no diapers left at home. I use my pocket money and walk, nervously into the convenience store and pull the adult diapers, size small from the shelve, i take them to the cashier, who in summer can see my wet diaper, she looks at me strangely and rings the diapers up for me, putting them in a clear plastic bag and sending me on my way, where i quickly stuff them into the depths of my locked diaper bag. I wear Dry Nights to school and at home i wear Molicare size small, at night because i wet a lot, i wear a dry night and Molicare and plastic pants. I also have cloth diapers for special occasions. Mum said that if she should be allowed to wear nice underwear when a spacial happening occurs than so should i.
I have a normal group of friends at school, they think i just have a week bladder and use period pads just in case, i guess that that is the message i have put across to them. My real best friend is a boy called Adam. He is really great, and knows all about my secret, he is like my boyfriend i guess, because he has seen me in the nude, he has even changed me before. Diapers sought of change everything for me, If the teachers at my school had it their way, i would be at a school for disabled kids. Luckily i am not. A year or so ago i was browsing the internet and i came across these awful pages on teenage babies and diaper lovers, i thought they were so gross and disgusting the kids like me actually used diapers because they liked them. But then i looked a bit more and found stories of kids who had to wear diapers and hated them, but then started to like them. I don't mind diapers at all that much any more, though it is a real hassle to wear them twenty four seven.